I think I won the penis lottery.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
