I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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