just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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