Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sext me about skeletons
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
