He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
