3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
