I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
