the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
