I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
