Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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