my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
