You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
