dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
