just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Boobs are out for the taking
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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