I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
