And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
