Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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