adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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