That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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