He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
