I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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