He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize