I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
