I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
