dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
