The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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