how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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