I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
