Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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