Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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