whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
