just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
