I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
