Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
