Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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