i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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