"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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