Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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