just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
