I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
