Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
