I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
