Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
