filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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