Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
