That's intense
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
