WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
