Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He has the fingertips of a God
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