remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
