Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
