After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
