last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
