He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have fence marks all over my body
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
