Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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