A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
