so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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